Exercise, Depression and Anxiety

 A few months ago, right around the beginning of spring my brother mowed a trail that surrounds some acreage that my parents own. He and his wife began using it to walk on daily. They would walk four laps around it almost religiously everyday.

Knowing that I was suffering with severe anxiety and depression, symptoms of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, he encouraged me to join them. Acting as someone suffering from depression I was immediately apprehensive and resistant, however he insisted that I get consistent exercise and also encouraged me to start drinking more water.

I started out walking and eventually transitioned into doing a bit of running as well. As a result of not being an experienced runner and also being exceptionally out of shape I developed shin splints and was not able to run for a while or walk for that matter. Eventually the shin splints healed and I am back on the trail again.

I wouldn't give anybody the advice that exercise is a cure-all for the struggles of anxiety and depression but it is an element that does contribute to a healthier state of mind. Increasing hydration, taking supplements and vitamins have also been beneficial.

 I still have very bad days but they are fewer and farther between and often less severe. I also find myself being more productive in other areas as well. It's a grindingly slow process unfortunately, but progress, not perfection is the goal.

What I would encourage is for anyone that is suffering with symptoms of anxiety and or depression is to start setting yourself a small daily goal of getting some form of exercise and committing to doing it daily. Starting small is key but I have found that I am continuously adding to my regimine though I began with just a bit of walking once a day. 

Since starting walking several months ago I have been able to add running, sit ups, push ups, pull-ups and dips to my routine. I also worked my way up to running an entire lap around the trail which felt like a great achievement, especially considering where I started from.

I do take medications for my OCD as well. I have learned however that one cannot rely simply on medications to improve their mental health and from doing some research have learned that exercise improves the effectiveness of the medications.

The Seemingly Endless Jouney

I've been writing this blog on and off over the course of the last several months. If you've read it before you're already aware that it has to do with mental illness and my own personal experience with it. Since November I've sought treatment, both inpatient and out, read, prayed, exercised, watched my diet, and of course  experimented with a myriad of medications.

My issues stem from anxiety and depression which are symptoms of obsessive-compulsive disorder. I was diagnosed over the winter with severe OCD.

I didn't need the diagnosis all too much as I was already aware based on my symptoms that OCD was the most likely candidate. However, having an official diagnosis may be beneficial down the road. 

Since a very young age I've always struggled with this but since last June it has been unmanageable and it continues to be unmanageable. The depression, anxiety, guilt, shame and feelings of low self-worth are simply put, overwhelming. 

The loss of interest in life itself is often the hardest to cope with. To go from being someone so passionate to being an individual that has little interest in anything and on most occasions finds it difficult to even leave the house is hard to comprehend.

I think the worst of it is the blame one puts on themselves when in this predicament. I continuously hold myself accountable for the fact that I am unambitious, continuously procrastinating, and on many days what one might consider downright lazy. This ironically is far from the overachiever I used to be.

As of late I find myself being just plain frustrated. The efforts, including the seeking of help that I have put into this do not seem to be reaping rewards of progress. As I find myself feeling defeated, I just keep reminding myself of the needs of my children, especially their need for their father. I do a pretty good job of "faking it" for them but it is exhausting. 

I spend a good share of my day questioning as to whether or not I am afflicted or just an utter failure, making excuses not to participate in life. 

These however are the realities for those that truly do suffer with some form of mental illness. The blame and shame accompanied by the guilt you put yourself through is the worst of it. I hope better days are ahead, I hope I once again can contribute and function like I once did but in a healthier fashion. 

I thought years ago that beating drug abuse and alcoholism was tough. That seems like a cakewalk in retrospect and in comparison but perhaps I have simply forgotten how tough it really was. With good fortune I can overcome this portion of my journey as well which is brutally unpleasant and learn from it in hopes that I can pass some coping skills and guidance along with hope to others down the road.