What is it like to be an addict? I think before we ever fix the problem or even make progress, our ability and desire to understand is going to have to be prioritized
I always feel it's kind of important for me to put out my feelings and thoughts on this subject occasionally. It's sort of my responsibility I feel as well. Having an intimate knowledge of this and having lived through addiction to sobriety, along with everything in between, gives me a relatively rare and insightful perspective.
Whenever there's something wrong in society or culture, there's generally two groups of people. The people that want to learn what's causing it, and those that want to point the finger of judgment.
Judgment really doesn't work. It doesn't provide or lead to a solution..It's just judgment.. A way to make one person feel superior over another person's failings or struggles..
As an addict having experienced both genuine understanding and harsh judgment I can easily tell you which one is more effective. It's not difficult to tell somebody that they have character flaws or they don't live right. It does take time and effort however to want to understand why an individual behaves the way they do.
So often, I see opinions regarding addicts, and like usual, they are very uninformed opinions. Addicts are not bad people. They are people utilizing a substance or activity to cope with either trauma, mental illness, or a lack of self worth.. to name a few. I've associated with people who struggle with addiction that have come from every walk of life, from Lawyers to Athletes, it does not discriminate. Poor and Wealthy, Religious and Agnostic. Each has a unique and individual story to tell.
I try to relate my own experience to theirs and generally I can find many parallels. For me it was most likely a mixture of trauma and mental illness or mental illness caused by trauma of which specifically I am not going to divulge.. but it started at a young and very vulnerable age.
I was a nice kid, good moral fiber, a work ethic, loving, thoughtful..All of which was sort of robbed. At about the age of 16 it had become quite apparent that something was very wrong. The guilt I was experiencing was just so overwhelming that I could barely think straight, everything began to slide. In 1986 there was no "Talking to someone"..There was not only almost a complete lack of mental health care, there was non existent awareness.
I just remember thinking that I could absolutely tell no one what was going on inside my head. And so it began, the search for an escape, which was easily found in an activity, very socially acceptable at 16..Alcohol and Drugs.
That age is particularly vulnerable because there's so much going on with wanting to be accepted, heightened emotion, hormones and just a general lack of life experience. Throw in some trauma or a mental health condition and you have the perfect recipe for creating an addict.
For me it would be ten years of almost immediate and chronic addiction before I got clean the first time which did last 5 years..Unfortunately the worst was yet to come.
One thing people do not understand about addiction is that it NEVER gets better..It actually becomes progressively worse even during a period of abstinence. You can be clean for a decade, but if you decide to use again, you do not pick up where you left off. You pick up where you would have been, had you continued to use.
5 years of sobriety is actually a really dangerous point to suddenly start using again..My drinking especially became
out of control very quickly, my behaviors were far more unpredictable as well.
I shall continue..stayed tuned, if you so desire 😉
